Gosh it's been a loooong time hasn't it?! Sorry, I did mean to keep you posted more regularly than this. OK, so what's happened in the mean time...
Holiday, healing, hamsters, new friends, Christmas Fayre, coffee and life...
After going to a service of prayer for healing in October, I have felt considerably better than before, praise God! Still a very long way to go, and as I'm writing, I've been quite ill again after I had a relapse a few weeks ago. Several steps forward, big leap back. This time, however, I'm still encouraged by the fact that I was feeling brighter in myself :) It helps to remember to continue to claim that healing and expect God to carry on working His purposes out in my life. M.E./C.F.S. is debilitating and life-robbing, but those of us with this condition (and fibromyalgia) still have a life worth while. It's key to hold on to that. I heard a chap on tele a couple of days ago say "We're human beings, not human doings". Interesting...
Thanks to the Mother's Union at Kimberley/Nuthall in Nottingham, I was able to go to Mablethorpe for a whole week with some friends and their children (two of my godchildren). We were in a caravan and it was perishing at night, but we had such a good time that it was worth it. Time on the beach, staring at the sea and sky always make me feel at peace and rested.
I can't remember if I updated you on my new additions. In addition to Dum-Dum - who's still around can you believe it! he's now 2 and 3/4s which is old for a Russian Winter White and I put this down to his diet of chicken arrabiata, porridge, chopped fruit and baby sweetcorn, and occasional crumb of flapjack! - I now have Emily and Georgie, brother and sister Roborowskis, and Harry, who's a Syrian and quite a lot larger than the other three. The new ones don't like me much though, and are still scared of their own shadows. They don't come to me, they run from me, so I know I'm going to feel Dum-Dum's loss keenly when it's finally his time to go. At the moment, we've gotten into the habit of him running about for a bit on the floor, then going into the kitchen for food prep, back on the floor for another quick run, ending with a kip in my hands as I watch TV. I feel really loved by Dums, whether or not this is true, it makes me feel close to him. He looks like the mouse at the end of the Green Mile, so if you've seen it, you'll know how raggedy he's looking now. Still got energy for the running though, which is marvellous, it really is.
I forgot to say! I've lost 7 stones 10 lbs! Incredible isn't it?! All in about 23/24 weeks. I'm chuffed to bits, but as I'm not quite half way, I'm a little anxious about remaining so positive as I have to go through this again. However, I saw one of my psychiatrists today (not often you get to say that!) and he helped me view the next phase more positively: I won't have all that weight to carry around with me that I did for the first half of this diet; and in three months time, I'll have half of this amount of weight to lose, and so on. As I go through a dip in health and a complete loss of energy again, my mood is depressed too. Now normally, my pattern of behaviour is to hit the pantry or fridge when I'm like this. To be fair, I did consider it. Pat, the counsellor at LL, suggested I make a note of why I didn't resort to the old ways. Part of it, I suppose, is that I've done so well to reach this weight. The weight loss is incredible and something I'm trying very hard to be positively proud about, not listening to the voices in my head that tell me it's wrong to be boastful of my achievements. So I'm not listening. Instead, I'm recalling my list of actual achievements, the factual accounts and concrete records of what I have accomplished so far in life. These are the things that no-one, not even the voices in my head, can take away from me. For instance, I have lost 7st 10lbs!! Woooo hooo! I have certificates of my exam passes, and degree in a lever arch box which I've wrapped in pretty paper. Alongside which are letters and cards from friends and acquaintances who show that they love me and care for me; notes of thanks for things I've done for others; words of God that have been given to me through others or prayer; records of events that I've created or helped run; and words that have been used to describe me. It may sound like I'm really "up myself", but the reverse is actually true, and as years of counselling, psychotherapy and experience have taught me, a great deal of our battles are within our own heads. Those "tapes" or "voices" which tell us how bad we are, or how fat and ugly we are, or how useless we are to the world are powerful and insistent. To combat these, to silence these is to make the reasoned tape or voice clearer and more accurate. Fight fears and feelings of inadequacy with facts and evidence. There's no way that the old ways of thinking and talking can challenge these, and eventually, it's possible to reprogramme your own mind and even feelings so that your head gives you peace rather than war. Dealing with that constant battle day in, day out, is exhausting and demanding. To be able to take the sting out of the dialogue going on inside is huge. Our minds are powerful and loud, use it. Turn your negative thoughts into positive ones. Sure, it takes time and practise, but better to start it now than to have just another day with the old battles. Make sure that the people around you are on your side. Pray in good friends, enable those close to you to see how much you need their good will and love. You don't always have to battle alone. There are experts out there too. Mental health issues are very real, and very frightening if you don't have the tools or energy to deal with them. This applies to M.E./C.F.S. as much as weight loss. Give yourself permission to be kind to yourself. That doesn't mean accepting and excusing poor behaviour or attitudes. We have a responsibility to be true to ourselves, and to be loving towards ourselves and others: These are the greatest commandments, to love the Lord your God with all your heart and mind and body and soul; and love your neighbour as you love yourself. Another really helpful phrase I heard somewhere (can't remember if it was the TV, or a film or a book!) but it was that you are the leading lady of your own life, stop acting like the best friend to the leading lady! Eye opening, huh?
Moving on to new friends... I've met some lovely people through freecycle and have begun friendships with several of them. As you know, I love meeting new people and enjoy getting to know them. I initially went onto freecycle (fabulous site! great premise and well executed) to find things for St Barnabas' Christmas Fayre. I went on to answer ads for various items of knitting, and other house-hold stuff. In the end, many people offered a wide variety of items for the Fayre and we had a fantastic day last Saturday as we tried to sell it all! We managed to raise over £400 (it's still increasing): half of which will go to Beeston's Shopmobility and the other half to the women's refuge. We're delighted to be able to support agencies which help those in need in our community :) Apart from all the selling, it was marvellous to see so many new faces at the event, and because there was so much for people to browse through, they all seemed to really enjoy it too :D
These days I try to meet up with old friends as much as I can, which often takes place at Starbucks or in my home. Starbucks at the Tesco's at Toton is a lovely place, and two of the waiters in particular are great to know: Zi and Chris. Young fellas with interesting life stories and friendly dispositions. It's like it says in the song at the beginning of "Cheers!" - we like to go "where everybody knows your name". It's true! It makes such a difference to be greeted by name, and catch up on the latest news, smell a new cake, try a new coffee...
So here's to old friends, and new ones, coffee and cake (only to smell), love and laughter, life and P.M.A. (positive mental attitude). Cheers!
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