Hi folks, I know it's been a while, but I was "busy" (for me) during the run up to Christmas: St Barnabas' managed to raise over £450 at the Christmas Fayre, half of which went to Beeston Shopmobility, and the other half to the Women's Shelter. We were also able to take toys, clothes, toiletries and equipment left over from the Fayre to the Shelter all in time for Christmas which will hopefully have made some very unsettled people a little happier, even if for a short time. Beeston Shopmobility runs entirely on donations, and is run by volunteers, so I imagine the funds we were able to provide were also well received.
Christmas arrived, although with a lot of planning, it still turned out to arrive earlier than expected! What's with that?! lol I was coming down with a heavy cold, but did manage to fight of the sickness bug that was looming. I managed to do the whole of Christmas and New Year WITHOUT eating! Yay! Quite an achievement I can tell you, especially around my birthday. I was able to celebrate Christmas this year with Mum and Jill, a good friend. That meant they could eat together and not be put off by my paltry soup and bar, and we had a really gentle, lovely day. Strangely, we didn't open our presents until Boxing Day afternoon, but that was fine. I didn't get a single chocolate present, for which I'm most thankful :)
Mum's best present was that Ste answered the phone when she rang him to wish him happy Christmas, and they did talk for a little while. I hope it helped make Ste's Christmas too, as he spent it alone in Sheffield. Mum was also able to chat to Chris and Donna and PJ in Oz over the holiday period, and the boys came over Christmas Eve which was lovely. They even bought Cole, Wyatt and Megan's "little" boy (he's a bruiser, but not fat, just big - and very beautiful!). Isn't it lovely when babies are at the cooing stage and "chat" with you, and grin, which he did in abundance. Conor bought his girlfriend, Danielle, although Con was a bit out of sorts to begin with, but he's such a lovely boy, and it's always a joy to see him. Jake is as gorgeous as ever and sat between the two girlfriends, which I'm sure will be a pattern for life! He's such a charmer, but so genuine too. Sophie came with her b/f too, and it was a good afternoon/evening.
I was in the choir this year, for the first time in I don't know how long. It was fun, and most of the carols were new to me, so it was interesting too. John B works hard to make the music at every Christmas reflective and entertaining too.
I had a few friends over at Mum's for my birthday. I was beginning to feel quite unwell and didn't think I'd have coped with the clearing up process at mine (so, yes, I left it to Mum - what a rotter I am!). She wasn't up to snuff either though, so in the end we gave most of the food left over (and boy, did it look tasty! I know my crowd and bought with them in mind, but it's also food I'd have loved to have too), used paper plates, and napkins and there wasn't much to clear away ;)
Sadly, Monday arrived and after starting off feeling rough, but OK ish, I had a tragic and traumatic accident involving Dum-Dum, my beloved old hamster. I trod on him in the kitchen and killed him. I held him as the blood pumped out of him, just willing God to take him quickly. I hope he did. The grief and guilt has been overwhelming. We'd bonded more than I had with any of the others. He'd just spent 3 hours asleep on my chest under my cardigan, when he decided he was hungry and wanted a run around. Both usual occurences, and normally I'm so careful where I put my feet, but I'd got my new Christmas slippers on and they had a solid sole, unlike all my others. I know most people have wished they could turn back time, just a few seconds, but it wouldn't happen. And he was dead. It still makes me weep. I miss him so much. We had a fairly regimented daily routine, and I loved it. He loved it best when he was sleeping in my hands or on my chest under my cardi, after a slap up hamster meal of blended chicken arrabiata, then porridge, then some finely diced apple, baby sweetcorn and tomatoes or grapes (he hadn't had top teeth for a while, so couldn't chew his hamster food). You're probably thinking I'm a silly woman for being so distraught, but I don't care. I'd raised him from birth, he was the last of my 16 originals, and he was old, but still on fine form. And I killed him. Hurts so much.
To be honest, I hadn't felt like I was coping with life before this happened, so this has made things much worse. The heavy cold hit hard, and I haven't felt up to much since then. Last week I was able to join with Mum at church one morning for the coffee morning she set up at the end of last year. I'd suggested we take our knitting, or perhaps crafting materials, or jigsaws (if anyone has a jigsaw mat that you can roll up we'd appreciate it :) ) for folks to do while they chatted and drank. We've all had a surfeit of mince pies this year, so out they came again. I've still got over a dozen. I usually have my neighbours over before Christmas for sherry and mince pies, but only one was able to make it this year. I had a lovely time with Rita, but with all the will in the world, she couldn't have got through that many mince pies!
On that fateful Monday, I also discovered that I'd lost 8lbs over Christmas! And as of last week I've lost 9 stones in just over 6 months, so that's pretty good going. I have had to buy some new trousers, but as they were in the sale that's OK. I'm now in a size 22! In June I was in a size 32! Not bad, eh? Now the clothes that I was given are beginning to fit too, so I'm preparing to sell my fat clothes on eBay if there are any takers. Some of the items for sale are only a couple of months old! If they don't sell, I'll offer them on freecycle and hopefully that'll be an incentive to someone to lose weight too.
I've been really surprised by how much of a mental battle this has all been. Not just the abstaining from food, but coping with the weight loss. Still feeling fat, even after all that loss of weight (which I suppose I still am). My god-daughter said I nearly looked normal now, but bless her she's only four! Still a bit "ouch" though. I have had an extra food pack some days, just to stave off that "cheated" feeling when you're deprived of real food. I feel like I've forgotten all my lessons in how to deal with psychological cravings and hunger, although I have also been having the savoury drink that LL make. I don't think I'm drinking enough, but I'm so cold and all my drinks need to be hot. I can't stand too much of the orange drink flavouring (I do worry about all the aspartame), and I can't take my earl grey without milk, but that's a big no-no. I can drink black coffee, but if I have too many in a week (and that's about 2 or 3!) I'm all of a hoo-haa! It's not possible to put lemon slices in hot water, and I'm not too keen on peppermint tea or rooiboos. I've not tried green tea, the idea puts me off. I'm just having a big mardy, feeling very sorry for myself, and I'm exhausted and find every little thing hard to do.
Having said that, we had quite a crowd at the coffee morning and that was great. It felt good to have things to do as well. I've spent some lovely time with my best friend and her family, and Mum, as usual has been a real rock. She's worried though too about her sister and brother-in-law: Aunty Pauline has to keep going to London for visits to a specialist and will have to have surgery soon; and her husband, Tony, has been diagnosed with blue asbestosis. He's had one lot of surgery and has been having radiotherapy (I think) this week. Please keep them in your prayers.
Ooh, and I've had a new toilet fitted! This one is to help me especially when I'm unwell, like I am now. It washes, dries and flushes at the touch of a button. An...interesting experience, certainly the first time! I'm also hoping this year to get a dog, preferably a rescue one, but my garden security is sadly lacking. I need to find a way to ask for BIG help in that respect, but I also need to find a dog to which Mum's not allergic. Any help out there please? Just a little dog.
May you allow God to share your burdens. Be blessed. Alli x
Monday, 12 January 2009
Monday, 1 December 2008
Latest update on weight loss, health, events, et al
Gosh it's been a loooong time hasn't it?! Sorry, I did mean to keep you posted more regularly than this. OK, so what's happened in the mean time...
Holiday, healing, hamsters, new friends, Christmas Fayre, coffee and life...
After going to a service of prayer for healing in October, I have felt considerably better than before, praise God! Still a very long way to go, and as I'm writing, I've been quite ill again after I had a relapse a few weeks ago. Several steps forward, big leap back. This time, however, I'm still encouraged by the fact that I was feeling brighter in myself :) It helps to remember to continue to claim that healing and expect God to carry on working His purposes out in my life. M.E./C.F.S. is debilitating and life-robbing, but those of us with this condition (and fibromyalgia) still have a life worth while. It's key to hold on to that. I heard a chap on tele a couple of days ago say "We're human beings, not human doings". Interesting...
Thanks to the Mother's Union at Kimberley/Nuthall in Nottingham, I was able to go to Mablethorpe for a whole week with some friends and their children (two of my godchildren). We were in a caravan and it was perishing at night, but we had such a good time that it was worth it. Time on the beach, staring at the sea and sky always make me feel at peace and rested.
I can't remember if I updated you on my new additions. In addition to Dum-Dum - who's still around can you believe it! he's now 2 and 3/4s which is old for a Russian Winter White and I put this down to his diet of chicken arrabiata, porridge, chopped fruit and baby sweetcorn, and occasional crumb of flapjack! - I now have Emily and Georgie, brother and sister Roborowskis, and Harry, who's a Syrian and quite a lot larger than the other three. The new ones don't like me much though, and are still scared of their own shadows. They don't come to me, they run from me, so I know I'm going to feel Dum-Dum's loss keenly when it's finally his time to go. At the moment, we've gotten into the habit of him running about for a bit on the floor, then going into the kitchen for food prep, back on the floor for another quick run, ending with a kip in my hands as I watch TV. I feel really loved by Dums, whether or not this is true, it makes me feel close to him. He looks like the mouse at the end of the Green Mile, so if you've seen it, you'll know how raggedy he's looking now. Still got energy for the running though, which is marvellous, it really is.
I forgot to say! I've lost 7 stones 10 lbs! Incredible isn't it?! All in about 23/24 weeks. I'm chuffed to bits, but as I'm not quite half way, I'm a little anxious about remaining so positive as I have to go through this again. However, I saw one of my psychiatrists today (not often you get to say that!) and he helped me view the next phase more positively: I won't have all that weight to carry around with me that I did for the first half of this diet; and in three months time, I'll have half of this amount of weight to lose, and so on. As I go through a dip in health and a complete loss of energy again, my mood is depressed too. Now normally, my pattern of behaviour is to hit the pantry or fridge when I'm like this. To be fair, I did consider it. Pat, the counsellor at LL, suggested I make a note of why I didn't resort to the old ways. Part of it, I suppose, is that I've done so well to reach this weight. The weight loss is incredible and something I'm trying very hard to be positively proud about, not listening to the voices in my head that tell me it's wrong to be boastful of my achievements. So I'm not listening. Instead, I'm recalling my list of actual achievements, the factual accounts and concrete records of what I have accomplished so far in life. These are the things that no-one, not even the voices in my head, can take away from me. For instance, I have lost 7st 10lbs!! Woooo hooo! I have certificates of my exam passes, and degree in a lever arch box which I've wrapped in pretty paper. Alongside which are letters and cards from friends and acquaintances who show that they love me and care for me; notes of thanks for things I've done for others; words of God that have been given to me through others or prayer; records of events that I've created or helped run; and words that have been used to describe me. It may sound like I'm really "up myself", but the reverse is actually true, and as years of counselling, psychotherapy and experience have taught me, a great deal of our battles are within our own heads. Those "tapes" or "voices" which tell us how bad we are, or how fat and ugly we are, or how useless we are to the world are powerful and insistent. To combat these, to silence these is to make the reasoned tape or voice clearer and more accurate. Fight fears and feelings of inadequacy with facts and evidence. There's no way that the old ways of thinking and talking can challenge these, and eventually, it's possible to reprogramme your own mind and even feelings so that your head gives you peace rather than war. Dealing with that constant battle day in, day out, is exhausting and demanding. To be able to take the sting out of the dialogue going on inside is huge. Our minds are powerful and loud, use it. Turn your negative thoughts into positive ones. Sure, it takes time and practise, but better to start it now than to have just another day with the old battles. Make sure that the people around you are on your side. Pray in good friends, enable those close to you to see how much you need their good will and love. You don't always have to battle alone. There are experts out there too. Mental health issues are very real, and very frightening if you don't have the tools or energy to deal with them. This applies to M.E./C.F.S. as much as weight loss. Give yourself permission to be kind to yourself. That doesn't mean accepting and excusing poor behaviour or attitudes. We have a responsibility to be true to ourselves, and to be loving towards ourselves and others: These are the greatest commandments, to love the Lord your God with all your heart and mind and body and soul; and love your neighbour as you love yourself. Another really helpful phrase I heard somewhere (can't remember if it was the TV, or a film or a book!) but it was that you are the leading lady of your own life, stop acting like the best friend to the leading lady! Eye opening, huh?
Moving on to new friends... I've met some lovely people through freecycle and have begun friendships with several of them. As you know, I love meeting new people and enjoy getting to know them. I initially went onto freecycle (fabulous site! great premise and well executed) to find things for St Barnabas' Christmas Fayre. I went on to answer ads for various items of knitting, and other house-hold stuff. In the end, many people offered a wide variety of items for the Fayre and we had a fantastic day last Saturday as we tried to sell it all! We managed to raise over £400 (it's still increasing): half of which will go to Beeston's Shopmobility and the other half to the women's refuge. We're delighted to be able to support agencies which help those in need in our community :) Apart from all the selling, it was marvellous to see so many new faces at the event, and because there was so much for people to browse through, they all seemed to really enjoy it too :D
These days I try to meet up with old friends as much as I can, which often takes place at Starbucks or in my home. Starbucks at the Tesco's at Toton is a lovely place, and two of the waiters in particular are great to know: Zi and Chris. Young fellas with interesting life stories and friendly dispositions. It's like it says in the song at the beginning of "Cheers!" - we like to go "where everybody knows your name". It's true! It makes such a difference to be greeted by name, and catch up on the latest news, smell a new cake, try a new coffee...
So here's to old friends, and new ones, coffee and cake (only to smell), love and laughter, life and P.M.A. (positive mental attitude). Cheers!
Holiday, healing, hamsters, new friends, Christmas Fayre, coffee and life...
After going to a service of prayer for healing in October, I have felt considerably better than before, praise God! Still a very long way to go, and as I'm writing, I've been quite ill again after I had a relapse a few weeks ago. Several steps forward, big leap back. This time, however, I'm still encouraged by the fact that I was feeling brighter in myself :) It helps to remember to continue to claim that healing and expect God to carry on working His purposes out in my life. M.E./C.F.S. is debilitating and life-robbing, but those of us with this condition (and fibromyalgia) still have a life worth while. It's key to hold on to that. I heard a chap on tele a couple of days ago say "We're human beings, not human doings". Interesting...
Thanks to the Mother's Union at Kimberley/Nuthall in Nottingham, I was able to go to Mablethorpe for a whole week with some friends and their children (two of my godchildren). We were in a caravan and it was perishing at night, but we had such a good time that it was worth it. Time on the beach, staring at the sea and sky always make me feel at peace and rested.
I can't remember if I updated you on my new additions. In addition to Dum-Dum - who's still around can you believe it! he's now 2 and 3/4s which is old for a Russian Winter White and I put this down to his diet of chicken arrabiata, porridge, chopped fruit and baby sweetcorn, and occasional crumb of flapjack! - I now have Emily and Georgie, brother and sister Roborowskis, and Harry, who's a Syrian and quite a lot larger than the other three. The new ones don't like me much though, and are still scared of their own shadows. They don't come to me, they run from me, so I know I'm going to feel Dum-Dum's loss keenly when it's finally his time to go. At the moment, we've gotten into the habit of him running about for a bit on the floor, then going into the kitchen for food prep, back on the floor for another quick run, ending with a kip in my hands as I watch TV. I feel really loved by Dums, whether or not this is true, it makes me feel close to him. He looks like the mouse at the end of the Green Mile, so if you've seen it, you'll know how raggedy he's looking now. Still got energy for the running though, which is marvellous, it really is.
I forgot to say! I've lost 7 stones 10 lbs! Incredible isn't it?! All in about 23/24 weeks. I'm chuffed to bits, but as I'm not quite half way, I'm a little anxious about remaining so positive as I have to go through this again. However, I saw one of my psychiatrists today (not often you get to say that!) and he helped me view the next phase more positively: I won't have all that weight to carry around with me that I did for the first half of this diet; and in three months time, I'll have half of this amount of weight to lose, and so on. As I go through a dip in health and a complete loss of energy again, my mood is depressed too. Now normally, my pattern of behaviour is to hit the pantry or fridge when I'm like this. To be fair, I did consider it. Pat, the counsellor at LL, suggested I make a note of why I didn't resort to the old ways. Part of it, I suppose, is that I've done so well to reach this weight. The weight loss is incredible and something I'm trying very hard to be positively proud about, not listening to the voices in my head that tell me it's wrong to be boastful of my achievements. So I'm not listening. Instead, I'm recalling my list of actual achievements, the factual accounts and concrete records of what I have accomplished so far in life. These are the things that no-one, not even the voices in my head, can take away from me. For instance, I have lost 7st 10lbs!! Woooo hooo! I have certificates of my exam passes, and degree in a lever arch box which I've wrapped in pretty paper. Alongside which are letters and cards from friends and acquaintances who show that they love me and care for me; notes of thanks for things I've done for others; words of God that have been given to me through others or prayer; records of events that I've created or helped run; and words that have been used to describe me. It may sound like I'm really "up myself", but the reverse is actually true, and as years of counselling, psychotherapy and experience have taught me, a great deal of our battles are within our own heads. Those "tapes" or "voices" which tell us how bad we are, or how fat and ugly we are, or how useless we are to the world are powerful and insistent. To combat these, to silence these is to make the reasoned tape or voice clearer and more accurate. Fight fears and feelings of inadequacy with facts and evidence. There's no way that the old ways of thinking and talking can challenge these, and eventually, it's possible to reprogramme your own mind and even feelings so that your head gives you peace rather than war. Dealing with that constant battle day in, day out, is exhausting and demanding. To be able to take the sting out of the dialogue going on inside is huge. Our minds are powerful and loud, use it. Turn your negative thoughts into positive ones. Sure, it takes time and practise, but better to start it now than to have just another day with the old battles. Make sure that the people around you are on your side. Pray in good friends, enable those close to you to see how much you need their good will and love. You don't always have to battle alone. There are experts out there too. Mental health issues are very real, and very frightening if you don't have the tools or energy to deal with them. This applies to M.E./C.F.S. as much as weight loss. Give yourself permission to be kind to yourself. That doesn't mean accepting and excusing poor behaviour or attitudes. We have a responsibility to be true to ourselves, and to be loving towards ourselves and others: These are the greatest commandments, to love the Lord your God with all your heart and mind and body and soul; and love your neighbour as you love yourself. Another really helpful phrase I heard somewhere (can't remember if it was the TV, or a film or a book!) but it was that you are the leading lady of your own life, stop acting like the best friend to the leading lady! Eye opening, huh?
Moving on to new friends... I've met some lovely people through freecycle and have begun friendships with several of them. As you know, I love meeting new people and enjoy getting to know them. I initially went onto freecycle (fabulous site! great premise and well executed) to find things for St Barnabas' Christmas Fayre. I went on to answer ads for various items of knitting, and other house-hold stuff. In the end, many people offered a wide variety of items for the Fayre and we had a fantastic day last Saturday as we tried to sell it all! We managed to raise over £400 (it's still increasing): half of which will go to Beeston's Shopmobility and the other half to the women's refuge. We're delighted to be able to support agencies which help those in need in our community :) Apart from all the selling, it was marvellous to see so many new faces at the event, and because there was so much for people to browse through, they all seemed to really enjoy it too :D
These days I try to meet up with old friends as much as I can, which often takes place at Starbucks or in my home. Starbucks at the Tesco's at Toton is a lovely place, and two of the waiters in particular are great to know: Zi and Chris. Young fellas with interesting life stories and friendly dispositions. It's like it says in the song at the beginning of "Cheers!" - we like to go "where everybody knows your name". It's true! It makes such a difference to be greeted by name, and catch up on the latest news, smell a new cake, try a new coffee...
So here's to old friends, and new ones, coffee and cake (only to smell), love and laughter, life and P.M.A. (positive mental attitude). Cheers!
Wednesday, 15 October 2008
Catch up on latest news
I hadn't realised how long I'd left it to update my blog. Only just felt like going online again. Wished I hadn't logged onto Facebook that's for sure! I just took a Dr Phil personality test and I came out as two extremes: one who takes so long to decide anything that I eventually decide against it anyway, and the other that made me sound like Hitler! Can these be right? Am I that disturbed?! Makes one think... Need to do something now that reaffirms that I am relatively normal, likeable and loved. Any suggestions? I'm all out!
Sigh...
One of the reasons I stopped writing in my blog I think was because of "milk week". Part of the newer LL initiative is to introduce at the 13th week a time to put milk into all shakes and soups. I tried to pretend it made the soups into "cream of..." but it was all yack! Even with skimmed milk - tasted far too sweet and creamy. And when I didn't lose ANY weight that week, I had a big mardy at the LL meeting, and swore my head off. I threatened to sue the government for making me do this and wasting my money for the week. Then I cried. As usually happens when I get madder than a mad thing. Annoying, but that's the way I evidently work things out. Anyroadup, the following week I lost 8 lbs and the week after that, 7lbs. Last week I lost 4lbs as well, so I guess milk week reboosts your system again. How does one make ones words appetising enough to eat?! So now I've lost 6st 2lbs!! And finally I feel like I've lost some weight :) I had to get a new belt for my trousers which until this point have been causing me to trip up. My biggest worry last week was the fact that I was struggling up the stairs with the ambulance driver behind me making sure I didn't fall, and a workman at the top of the stairs fixing the outside light - all while my trousers were slipping down and taking my knickers with them! I managed to hold onto them, along with my two sticks and bag! Not easy I can tell you, but infinitely preferable (for all!) to mooning at the men around me! lol
Still smarting over the Dr Phil test! Get over it, I keep telling myself, it's just a silly quiz on an odd site (still not worked out the point of Facebook). You see? I keep trying to CBT myself, but I'm still dealing with the old programming that tells me "there must be something in this" malarky. If it had said something positive, I doubt it would cross my mind however. I'd probably think, "yep, that's what everyone's will say". I did the test several times too! Still not sure how the questions deliver the answers...
MOVING ON... I now have four hamsters! :D Emily and George, mentioned in previous dispatches, are still not comfortable with me, sigh, and Harry, the new one, will take a long while I think before he becomes comfortable with me too. It doesn't help that Dum-Dum tries to get his whole head into Harry's cage through the bars (and he nearly can you know!). Harry's a Syrian hamster, so he's massive compared to Dums, and a veritable gargantuan compared to Emily and Georgie. But he's still scared of everything else around him, especially nosy little Dums. D-D still has the run of the table although there is far less space for him to do so what with Emily's cage and the new giant cage for Harry. Harry was brought round for me to look after as the children he was bought for don't really bother with him any more. I've yet to get him out in the big ball, but there's plenty of time (I hope!) to do that later on when he's a little more settled. I told my neighbours 9 year old boy that they were rescue hamsters. He asked me quite innocently what they rescued. I have to rethink how I say that from now on!
Philip, my CBT chap, lent me his book on CBT for CFS sufferers, which I'm looking forward to delving into. I've not been reading much lately because my eyes are a bit painful lately, wondering if it's the light at this time of the year. Hasn't it been absolutely glorious though?! Today's a bit drab, but it's really lifted my spirits to see so much gorgeous weather over the past 8/9 days.
Oooh, I'm going on holiday! For the first time since 2001 :D Some friends were offered an opportunity to go to a caravan in Mablethorpe and have invited me to accompany them. Isn't that kind!?! Hoping we have the same kind of weather as the past week or so :) I've asked my uncle and his family if they'd like to stay at my place while I'm away, so they can visit with Mum for longer. Probably won't happen, but hey ho! My friend's son might welcome a change from living at home... Another friend has already said she'd be able to come over and look after the hammies while I'm gone :) I have good friends, praise God!
Next week i'm leading a Taize evening at St Barnabas'. Just an hour's service, but I'm really looking forward to it. Need to sit down with Rob and practise a bit though. He's unfortunately got Ofsted this week though, so it'll have to be the weekend if he's available.
LL has changed again for me, now that I'm in Developers (those that still need a ways to go before they reach target weights) our evening meeting has changed, and we've lost 3 of our group to the final group, Maintenance (the ones that are pretty much there and only need to reintroduce food back into their lives - actually that sounds far easier than it is! Apparently, we've done the only easy bit!). I'll miss them a great deal because they helped keep me going, and also we'd bonded very well. We move into a different group with different people, one of whom I know :), but it'll be a shock to the system I suppose. All grist to the mill of life.
Did anyone else have an influx of ladybirds on Sunday?! There were hundreds outside my living room window - no other window, just the living room! It was such a beautiful day, but I was most surprised to see them at this time of year. Anyone know why? I did hear that they were the immigrant ladybirds that are killing our own. Is that true?!
I've just started reading a new Stuart Pawson novel, he's very good. He writes about Charlie Priest, a DI in Yorkshire. It's about serious crime, but his own blend of humour sparkles in the doom and gloom. He's also very descriptive of the local area and the walks that the detective takes, almost to make you feel like it's there before you. There's also a touch of poetry in the writer's, and character's, soul, and paintings feature in every one of his books in this series. A believable and likeable bunch of characters, except for the criminals - who are nasty pieces of work, every single one of them - working out credible story lines, human, flawed, but inevitably solved, though rarely understood. Gripping stories that bring about the realisation that there is something different in people who perpetrate horrendous crimes, and those of us who would never have even considered such things were possible.
Sigh...
One of the reasons I stopped writing in my blog I think was because of "milk week". Part of the newer LL initiative is to introduce at the 13th week a time to put milk into all shakes and soups. I tried to pretend it made the soups into "cream of..." but it was all yack! Even with skimmed milk - tasted far too sweet and creamy. And when I didn't lose ANY weight that week, I had a big mardy at the LL meeting, and swore my head off. I threatened to sue the government for making me do this and wasting my money for the week. Then I cried. As usually happens when I get madder than a mad thing. Annoying, but that's the way I evidently work things out. Anyroadup, the following week I lost 8 lbs and the week after that, 7lbs. Last week I lost 4lbs as well, so I guess milk week reboosts your system again. How does one make ones words appetising enough to eat?! So now I've lost 6st 2lbs!! And finally I feel like I've lost some weight :) I had to get a new belt for my trousers which until this point have been causing me to trip up. My biggest worry last week was the fact that I was struggling up the stairs with the ambulance driver behind me making sure I didn't fall, and a workman at the top of the stairs fixing the outside light - all while my trousers were slipping down and taking my knickers with them! I managed to hold onto them, along with my two sticks and bag! Not easy I can tell you, but infinitely preferable (for all!) to mooning at the men around me! lol
Still smarting over the Dr Phil test! Get over it, I keep telling myself, it's just a silly quiz on an odd site (still not worked out the point of Facebook). You see? I keep trying to CBT myself, but I'm still dealing with the old programming that tells me "there must be something in this" malarky. If it had said something positive, I doubt it would cross my mind however. I'd probably think, "yep, that's what everyone's will say". I did the test several times too! Still not sure how the questions deliver the answers...
MOVING ON... I now have four hamsters! :D Emily and George, mentioned in previous dispatches, are still not comfortable with me, sigh, and Harry, the new one, will take a long while I think before he becomes comfortable with me too. It doesn't help that Dum-Dum tries to get his whole head into Harry's cage through the bars (and he nearly can you know!). Harry's a Syrian hamster, so he's massive compared to Dums, and a veritable gargantuan compared to Emily and Georgie. But he's still scared of everything else around him, especially nosy little Dums. D-D still has the run of the table although there is far less space for him to do so what with Emily's cage and the new giant cage for Harry. Harry was brought round for me to look after as the children he was bought for don't really bother with him any more. I've yet to get him out in the big ball, but there's plenty of time (I hope!) to do that later on when he's a little more settled. I told my neighbours 9 year old boy that they were rescue hamsters. He asked me quite innocently what they rescued. I have to rethink how I say that from now on!
Philip, my CBT chap, lent me his book on CBT for CFS sufferers, which I'm looking forward to delving into. I've not been reading much lately because my eyes are a bit painful lately, wondering if it's the light at this time of the year. Hasn't it been absolutely glorious though?! Today's a bit drab, but it's really lifted my spirits to see so much gorgeous weather over the past 8/9 days.
Oooh, I'm going on holiday! For the first time since 2001 :D Some friends were offered an opportunity to go to a caravan in Mablethorpe and have invited me to accompany them. Isn't that kind!?! Hoping we have the same kind of weather as the past week or so :) I've asked my uncle and his family if they'd like to stay at my place while I'm away, so they can visit with Mum for longer. Probably won't happen, but hey ho! My friend's son might welcome a change from living at home... Another friend has already said she'd be able to come over and look after the hammies while I'm gone :) I have good friends, praise God!
Next week i'm leading a Taize evening at St Barnabas'. Just an hour's service, but I'm really looking forward to it. Need to sit down with Rob and practise a bit though. He's unfortunately got Ofsted this week though, so it'll have to be the weekend if he's available.
LL has changed again for me, now that I'm in Developers (those that still need a ways to go before they reach target weights) our evening meeting has changed, and we've lost 3 of our group to the final group, Maintenance (the ones that are pretty much there and only need to reintroduce food back into their lives - actually that sounds far easier than it is! Apparently, we've done the only easy bit!). I'll miss them a great deal because they helped keep me going, and also we'd bonded very well. We move into a different group with different people, one of whom I know :), but it'll be a shock to the system I suppose. All grist to the mill of life.
Did anyone else have an influx of ladybirds on Sunday?! There were hundreds outside my living room window - no other window, just the living room! It was such a beautiful day, but I was most surprised to see them at this time of year. Anyone know why? I did hear that they were the immigrant ladybirds that are killing our own. Is that true?!
I've just started reading a new Stuart Pawson novel, he's very good. He writes about Charlie Priest, a DI in Yorkshire. It's about serious crime, but his own blend of humour sparkles in the doom and gloom. He's also very descriptive of the local area and the walks that the detective takes, almost to make you feel like it's there before you. There's also a touch of poetry in the writer's, and character's, soul, and paintings feature in every one of his books in this series. A believable and likeable bunch of characters, except for the criminals - who are nasty pieces of work, every single one of them - working out credible story lines, human, flawed, but inevitably solved, though rarely understood. Gripping stories that bring about the realisation that there is something different in people who perpetrate horrendous crimes, and those of us who would never have even considered such things were possible.
Thursday, 11 September 2008
Martin's Money Saving Tips
Hi folks, well today I felt I needed to remind you all again about a great site I've been using over the past couple of months. Martin Lewis' show "It pays to watch" sprang from his GMTV and Tonight slot and the following website http://www.moneysavingexpert.com. Not only does he show you how to budget, manage any debt and/or savings, but there's also a list of freebies you can claim, shopping vouchers, etc. Included is a special attachment particularly useful for teenagers, which enables them to manage their money responsibly, but also recognising that they "need" to be able to spend their money too. It's a very sensible and practical document which trains them in money matters. For parents and teachers, aunts and uncles, and anyone else who has contact with impressionable teens, this is a remarkable source of wisdom aimed at young adults, and put together with the help of young adults. It's possible to download and print this off for free which is part of Martin's gift really. To find it go to http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/attachment/teen_cash_guide.pdf
I'm printing it off for my nephews, especially Wyatt and his girlfriend Megan, what with the safe arrival of Cole, and Wyatt's imminent departure into the army. I hope it will enable them to save wisely, and build a decent nest egg for themselves and the baby. I've yet to meet him, but hopefully that will be soon. I go to LL tonight for my weekly wi (but I've not been to the loo since last Tuesday, so I'm not expecting so much :( ), then tomorrow I have a three hour slot with my carer, followed by a trip to church to help set up (if I'm up to it by then - did waaaay too much yesterday) for the "New to You" event on Saturday, and of course Saturday itself - 10.00 - 12.00 noon. There is a likelihood that we will over-run because we have such a lot of good quality goods, thanks to many, many kind donations. It's a shock to be surprised and even overwhelmed by the generosity of people, when in actual fact we see it every day in small and sometimes big ways from ordinary people, even strangers :) GBU x
I'm printing it off for my nephews, especially Wyatt and his girlfriend Megan, what with the safe arrival of Cole, and Wyatt's imminent departure into the army. I hope it will enable them to save wisely, and build a decent nest egg for themselves and the baby. I've yet to meet him, but hopefully that will be soon. I go to LL tonight for my weekly wi (but I've not been to the loo since last Tuesday, so I'm not expecting so much :( ), then tomorrow I have a three hour slot with my carer, followed by a trip to church to help set up (if I'm up to it by then - did waaaay too much yesterday) for the "New to You" event on Saturday, and of course Saturday itself - 10.00 - 12.00 noon. There is a likelihood that we will over-run because we have such a lot of good quality goods, thanks to many, many kind donations. It's a shock to be surprised and even overwhelmed by the generosity of people, when in actual fact we see it every day in small and sometimes big ways from ordinary people, even strangers :) GBU x
"New to You": Babies and St Barnabas' event on Saturday morning
What a whirlwind today's been! After finding out that Clinton's cards had a massive sale on and that one of the items was something I'd previously spent £20.00 on was now only £5.00 (!!!), I went into Beeston with my friend Jill (who knows so much about what's going on - she's got her ear to the ground and her finger to the pulse). Having bought a few items I managed barter with the asst manager for an item I bought for half price which will be Mum's birthday present. That must sound cheap, but I can't afford much this year, and she knows, bless her. She asked me yesterday for a nice photo album (for all her lovely pictures of PJ and CJ and my brother Chris and his wife Donna, plus our new addition to the family whom we've yet to see: Chris' eldest son, Wyatt, had a baby boy called Cole yesterday - well his girlfriend Megan did. Please pray for her and a difficult situation. Megan's father's being an ass about Wy and his Mum going round to their house, plus Wy's hoping to enlist in the army as soon as he's passed all his tests.
In addition to the above, our church is holding a nearly new sale this Saturday from 10-12pm. If you can come along you would be most welcome :) It's at St Barnabas' Church, Barn Croft, Off Inham Road, Chilwell, Nottingham, NG9 4HQ. So far we've been given a lot of stuff which is just fabulous, some of which I went to collect tonight (along with some rescue hamsters!!). A lovely couple got in touch with me through Freecycle http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beeston_freecycle/messages?o=1 - a site that aims to keep house-hold items of a wide range out of the landfill sites and back into the community for others to use. They had seen my wanted ad on the freecycle Beeston site and kindly donated all they had "decluttered" from their children's rooms. It pretty much filled my car! It was funny driving home, because every time I turned left Noah kept shouting "Land Ahooooy!" Obviously touch sensitive!! Sometimes he's do a bit of a rap "La-la-land Ahoy-Ahooooy!" I think that was when he was well and truly rattled ;)
As I was out in the car, I contacted the girl who'd advertised her baby hamsters. The students had a new kitten and he was bothering the little hamsters in their cage and they feared they might well disappear inside the belly of the beast ... I think they're dwarf Roborovski hamsters, they're a pretty colour, different from all my past and present hamsters. They're sooo cute, like little fluff balls. They're in the same cage although I'm a little concerned that they're NOT the same sex after all. Anyways, I'll wait for confirmation from the young lady, and separate them if I have to once I've found out how old they are as well. I've named them Georgie and Bungle/Ellery/Emily ... still some decision to make there.
Right then, I'm off for a long sleep. Hope you're well and in fine fettle :)
In addition to the above, our church is holding a nearly new sale this Saturday from 10-12pm. If you can come along you would be most welcome :) It's at St Barnabas' Church, Barn Croft, Off Inham Road, Chilwell, Nottingham, NG9 4HQ. So far we've been given a lot of stuff which is just fabulous, some of which I went to collect tonight (along with some rescue hamsters!!). A lovely couple got in touch with me through Freecycle http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beeston_freecycle/messages?o=1 - a site that aims to keep house-hold items of a wide range out of the landfill sites and back into the community for others to use. They had seen my wanted ad on the freecycle Beeston site and kindly donated all they had "decluttered" from their children's rooms. It pretty much filled my car! It was funny driving home, because every time I turned left Noah kept shouting "Land Ahooooy!" Obviously touch sensitive!! Sometimes he's do a bit of a rap "La-la-land Ahoy-Ahooooy!" I think that was when he was well and truly rattled ;)
As I was out in the car, I contacted the girl who'd advertised her baby hamsters. The students had a new kitten and he was bothering the little hamsters in their cage and they feared they might well disappear inside the belly of the beast ... I think they're dwarf Roborovski hamsters, they're a pretty colour, different from all my past and present hamsters. They're sooo cute, like little fluff balls. They're in the same cage although I'm a little concerned that they're NOT the same sex after all. Anyways, I'll wait for confirmation from the young lady, and separate them if I have to once I've found out how old they are as well. I've named them Georgie and Bungle/Ellery/Emily ... still some decision to make there.
Right then, I'm off for a long sleep. Hope you're well and in fine fettle :)
Saturday, 6 September 2008
Choros Amici and Beeston Parish Church
Had a fabulous evening at the above venue, recently "re-ordered". Went with Jan to see a friend, Sandy, in her choral group - amazing! Not only was the choir's repertoire varied and wide-ranging, the church itself was looking great. I can't remember what it was like before - like when you drive past a new build and think what was there before? - but the oak rafters and beams looked almost as fresh as the day they were set, the walls and columns were radiant too. The only thing missing was a lot more heat, but who thinks they'll need the heating on at this time of year?!
Anyway, I loved the range of the choir's ability and talent; the deep voices of the men went right through me, and it speaks to my heart. The traditional choral songs were electric and sung in many parts - it's spell-binding to watch a well-honed choir in action and to be just a little curious about how those who arrange the music do so on many levels. There was a set of Finnish/Shakespeare numbers that were beautiful. There were a couple of numbers that were quite mad! Followed by some more modern songs re-arranged for choirs: George Harrison's "Because" being one of them.
It was a great show and we all felt thoroughly entertained. There are some amazingly talented vocalists in the choir and as an ensemble, they were pretty special - would knock Last Choir Standing into a cocked hat that's for sure! lol
In addition to the music and the setting, it was lovely to meet up with people unexpectedly; Philip my CBT therapist and his lovely daughter, who admitted to drifting off to sleep - until the loud songs! lol; some older members of the local church community that I hadn't seen for some time; and Craig and his partner, Robin, who has sometimes been one of my carers, notably domestic chores not personal care ;) It was especially good to see him looking so well. Earlier he'd had a brain aneurism and was very ill in hospital. Apparently he's one of only 4% who survive without repercussions, which is marvellous for him, but a telling reminder of how fragile life can be. They've just had their first anniversary having had their civil ceremony last August. Robin's quite cute too!
I was glad I'd gone in my wheelchair, and pleased that Sandy had managed to reserve us a chair for Janet and a space for me :) But it was chilly in there, and I feel done in now. So I'll end with an encouragement to see this choir if you can, and they do go all over, if you like that sort of thing.
GBU xx
Anyway, I loved the range of the choir's ability and talent; the deep voices of the men went right through me, and it speaks to my heart. The traditional choral songs were electric and sung in many parts - it's spell-binding to watch a well-honed choir in action and to be just a little curious about how those who arrange the music do so on many levels. There was a set of Finnish/Shakespeare numbers that were beautiful. There were a couple of numbers that were quite mad! Followed by some more modern songs re-arranged for choirs: George Harrison's "Because" being one of them.
It was a great show and we all felt thoroughly entertained. There are some amazingly talented vocalists in the choir and as an ensemble, they were pretty special - would knock Last Choir Standing into a cocked hat that's for sure! lol
In addition to the music and the setting, it was lovely to meet up with people unexpectedly; Philip my CBT therapist and his lovely daughter, who admitted to drifting off to sleep - until the loud songs! lol; some older members of the local church community that I hadn't seen for some time; and Craig and his partner, Robin, who has sometimes been one of my carers, notably domestic chores not personal care ;) It was especially good to see him looking so well. Earlier he'd had a brain aneurism and was very ill in hospital. Apparently he's one of only 4% who survive without repercussions, which is marvellous for him, but a telling reminder of how fragile life can be. They've just had their first anniversary having had their civil ceremony last August. Robin's quite cute too!
I was glad I'd gone in my wheelchair, and pleased that Sandy had managed to reserve us a chair for Janet and a space for me :) But it was chilly in there, and I feel done in now. So I'll end with an encouragement to see this choir if you can, and they do go all over, if you like that sort of thing.
GBU xx
What a week of awful weather
This is the first year I can remember having to put the heating on this early. It's frightening considering the fuel price hikes that we've already had and those that we can apparently expect by the end of the year.
Naturally my heart and prayers go out to those who are facing yet more floods, damage to their property and homes, and the major upheaval that all this causes. I wonder if those affected are offered counselling? Let's hope that the insurance companies honour their agreements this time too. I heard the story of an elderly lady whose home was flooded for something like the 14th time! She hadn't been able to sell her home earlier because of the property's past experience of flooding. Lord, break through that situation with your compassionate heart and redeem her life. Amen. There are so many prayers for people necessary when we're struck by such disasters as a nation, so please pray as and when you can. Even if you don't believe, I assure you God does :)
Also for your prayers would you please think of a man called Jamie. I met him outside the hospital yesterday when I went for an appointment. I used to see him and chat to him in the pub where he was very much a regular. I got to know him a bit better a couple of years ago, when we had quite a long chat and a drink together. However yesterday I realised that he'd had his right leg amputated below the knee (I'm clearly observant). He's still a fairly youngish man and to know that someone who is usually out and about and has his fingers in lots of different pies is now experiencing such a loss was a real shock. Coming to terms with this kind of event is very harrowing and hard work, and I hope and pray that he manages to get through without depression setting in. He deserves sympathy and compassion, but not pity, and I hope that those he used to know (including myself) will treat him with dignity as he learns to adapt to a markedly different life style.
Naturally my heart and prayers go out to those who are facing yet more floods, damage to their property and homes, and the major upheaval that all this causes. I wonder if those affected are offered counselling? Let's hope that the insurance companies honour their agreements this time too. I heard the story of an elderly lady whose home was flooded for something like the 14th time! She hadn't been able to sell her home earlier because of the property's past experience of flooding. Lord, break through that situation with your compassionate heart and redeem her life. Amen. There are so many prayers for people necessary when we're struck by such disasters as a nation, so please pray as and when you can. Even if you don't believe, I assure you God does :)
Also for your prayers would you please think of a man called Jamie. I met him outside the hospital yesterday when I went for an appointment. I used to see him and chat to him in the pub where he was very much a regular. I got to know him a bit better a couple of years ago, when we had quite a long chat and a drink together. However yesterday I realised that he'd had his right leg amputated below the knee (I'm clearly observant). He's still a fairly youngish man and to know that someone who is usually out and about and has his fingers in lots of different pies is now experiencing such a loss was a real shock. Coming to terms with this kind of event is very harrowing and hard work, and I hope and pray that he manages to get through without depression setting in. He deserves sympathy and compassion, but not pity, and I hope that those he used to know (including myself) will treat him with dignity as he learns to adapt to a markedly different life style.
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