Gosh it's been a loooong time hasn't it?! Sorry, I did mean to keep you posted more regularly than this. OK, so what's happened in the mean time...
Holiday, healing, hamsters, new friends, Christmas Fayre, coffee and life...
After going to a service of prayer for healing in October, I have felt considerably better than before, praise God! Still a very long way to go, and as I'm writing, I've been quite ill again after I had a relapse a few weeks ago. Several steps forward, big leap back. This time, however, I'm still encouraged by the fact that I was feeling brighter in myself :) It helps to remember to continue to claim that healing and expect God to carry on working His purposes out in my life. M.E./C.F.S. is debilitating and life-robbing, but those of us with this condition (and fibromyalgia) still have a life worth while. It's key to hold on to that. I heard a chap on tele a couple of days ago say "We're human beings, not human doings". Interesting...
Thanks to the Mother's Union at Kimberley/Nuthall in Nottingham, I was able to go to Mablethorpe for a whole week with some friends and their children (two of my godchildren). We were in a caravan and it was perishing at night, but we had such a good time that it was worth it. Time on the beach, staring at the sea and sky always make me feel at peace and rested.
I can't remember if I updated you on my new additions. In addition to Dum-Dum - who's still around can you believe it! he's now 2 and 3/4s which is old for a Russian Winter White and I put this down to his diet of chicken arrabiata, porridge, chopped fruit and baby sweetcorn, and occasional crumb of flapjack! - I now have Emily and Georgie, brother and sister Roborowskis, and Harry, who's a Syrian and quite a lot larger than the other three. The new ones don't like me much though, and are still scared of their own shadows. They don't come to me, they run from me, so I know I'm going to feel Dum-Dum's loss keenly when it's finally his time to go. At the moment, we've gotten into the habit of him running about for a bit on the floor, then going into the kitchen for food prep, back on the floor for another quick run, ending with a kip in my hands as I watch TV. I feel really loved by Dums, whether or not this is true, it makes me feel close to him. He looks like the mouse at the end of the Green Mile, so if you've seen it, you'll know how raggedy he's looking now. Still got energy for the running though, which is marvellous, it really is.
I forgot to say! I've lost 7 stones 10 lbs! Incredible isn't it?! All in about 23/24 weeks. I'm chuffed to bits, but as I'm not quite half way, I'm a little anxious about remaining so positive as I have to go through this again. However, I saw one of my psychiatrists today (not often you get to say that!) and he helped me view the next phase more positively: I won't have all that weight to carry around with me that I did for the first half of this diet; and in three months time, I'll have half of this amount of weight to lose, and so on. As I go through a dip in health and a complete loss of energy again, my mood is depressed too. Now normally, my pattern of behaviour is to hit the pantry or fridge when I'm like this. To be fair, I did consider it. Pat, the counsellor at LL, suggested I make a note of why I didn't resort to the old ways. Part of it, I suppose, is that I've done so well to reach this weight. The weight loss is incredible and something I'm trying very hard to be positively proud about, not listening to the voices in my head that tell me it's wrong to be boastful of my achievements. So I'm not listening. Instead, I'm recalling my list of actual achievements, the factual accounts and concrete records of what I have accomplished so far in life. These are the things that no-one, not even the voices in my head, can take away from me. For instance, I have lost 7st 10lbs!! Woooo hooo! I have certificates of my exam passes, and degree in a lever arch box which I've wrapped in pretty paper. Alongside which are letters and cards from friends and acquaintances who show that they love me and care for me; notes of thanks for things I've done for others; words of God that have been given to me through others or prayer; records of events that I've created or helped run; and words that have been used to describe me. It may sound like I'm really "up myself", but the reverse is actually true, and as years of counselling, psychotherapy and experience have taught me, a great deal of our battles are within our own heads. Those "tapes" or "voices" which tell us how bad we are, or how fat and ugly we are, or how useless we are to the world are powerful and insistent. To combat these, to silence these is to make the reasoned tape or voice clearer and more accurate. Fight fears and feelings of inadequacy with facts and evidence. There's no way that the old ways of thinking and talking can challenge these, and eventually, it's possible to reprogramme your own mind and even feelings so that your head gives you peace rather than war. Dealing with that constant battle day in, day out, is exhausting and demanding. To be able to take the sting out of the dialogue going on inside is huge. Our minds are powerful and loud, use it. Turn your negative thoughts into positive ones. Sure, it takes time and practise, but better to start it now than to have just another day with the old battles. Make sure that the people around you are on your side. Pray in good friends, enable those close to you to see how much you need their good will and love. You don't always have to battle alone. There are experts out there too. Mental health issues are very real, and very frightening if you don't have the tools or energy to deal with them. This applies to M.E./C.F.S. as much as weight loss. Give yourself permission to be kind to yourself. That doesn't mean accepting and excusing poor behaviour or attitudes. We have a responsibility to be true to ourselves, and to be loving towards ourselves and others: These are the greatest commandments, to love the Lord your God with all your heart and mind and body and soul; and love your neighbour as you love yourself. Another really helpful phrase I heard somewhere (can't remember if it was the TV, or a film or a book!) but it was that you are the leading lady of your own life, stop acting like the best friend to the leading lady! Eye opening, huh?
Moving on to new friends... I've met some lovely people through freecycle and have begun friendships with several of them. As you know, I love meeting new people and enjoy getting to know them. I initially went onto freecycle (fabulous site! great premise and well executed) to find things for St Barnabas' Christmas Fayre. I went on to answer ads for various items of knitting, and other house-hold stuff. In the end, many people offered a wide variety of items for the Fayre and we had a fantastic day last Saturday as we tried to sell it all! We managed to raise over £400 (it's still increasing): half of which will go to Beeston's Shopmobility and the other half to the women's refuge. We're delighted to be able to support agencies which help those in need in our community :) Apart from all the selling, it was marvellous to see so many new faces at the event, and because there was so much for people to browse through, they all seemed to really enjoy it too :D
These days I try to meet up with old friends as much as I can, which often takes place at Starbucks or in my home. Starbucks at the Tesco's at Toton is a lovely place, and two of the waiters in particular are great to know: Zi and Chris. Young fellas with interesting life stories and friendly dispositions. It's like it says in the song at the beginning of "Cheers!" - we like to go "where everybody knows your name". It's true! It makes such a difference to be greeted by name, and catch up on the latest news, smell a new cake, try a new coffee...
So here's to old friends, and new ones, coffee and cake (only to smell), love and laughter, life and P.M.A. (positive mental attitude). Cheers!
Monday, 1 December 2008
Wednesday, 15 October 2008
Catch up on latest news
I hadn't realised how long I'd left it to update my blog. Only just felt like going online again. Wished I hadn't logged onto Facebook that's for sure! I just took a Dr Phil personality test and I came out as two extremes: one who takes so long to decide anything that I eventually decide against it anyway, and the other that made me sound like Hitler! Can these be right? Am I that disturbed?! Makes one think... Need to do something now that reaffirms that I am relatively normal, likeable and loved. Any suggestions? I'm all out!
Sigh...
One of the reasons I stopped writing in my blog I think was because of "milk week". Part of the newer LL initiative is to introduce at the 13th week a time to put milk into all shakes and soups. I tried to pretend it made the soups into "cream of..." but it was all yack! Even with skimmed milk - tasted far too sweet and creamy. And when I didn't lose ANY weight that week, I had a big mardy at the LL meeting, and swore my head off. I threatened to sue the government for making me do this and wasting my money for the week. Then I cried. As usually happens when I get madder than a mad thing. Annoying, but that's the way I evidently work things out. Anyroadup, the following week I lost 8 lbs and the week after that, 7lbs. Last week I lost 4lbs as well, so I guess milk week reboosts your system again. How does one make ones words appetising enough to eat?! So now I've lost 6st 2lbs!! And finally I feel like I've lost some weight :) I had to get a new belt for my trousers which until this point have been causing me to trip up. My biggest worry last week was the fact that I was struggling up the stairs with the ambulance driver behind me making sure I didn't fall, and a workman at the top of the stairs fixing the outside light - all while my trousers were slipping down and taking my knickers with them! I managed to hold onto them, along with my two sticks and bag! Not easy I can tell you, but infinitely preferable (for all!) to mooning at the men around me! lol
Still smarting over the Dr Phil test! Get over it, I keep telling myself, it's just a silly quiz on an odd site (still not worked out the point of Facebook). You see? I keep trying to CBT myself, but I'm still dealing with the old programming that tells me "there must be something in this" malarky. If it had said something positive, I doubt it would cross my mind however. I'd probably think, "yep, that's what everyone's will say". I did the test several times too! Still not sure how the questions deliver the answers...
MOVING ON... I now have four hamsters! :D Emily and George, mentioned in previous dispatches, are still not comfortable with me, sigh, and Harry, the new one, will take a long while I think before he becomes comfortable with me too. It doesn't help that Dum-Dum tries to get his whole head into Harry's cage through the bars (and he nearly can you know!). Harry's a Syrian hamster, so he's massive compared to Dums, and a veritable gargantuan compared to Emily and Georgie. But he's still scared of everything else around him, especially nosy little Dums. D-D still has the run of the table although there is far less space for him to do so what with Emily's cage and the new giant cage for Harry. Harry was brought round for me to look after as the children he was bought for don't really bother with him any more. I've yet to get him out in the big ball, but there's plenty of time (I hope!) to do that later on when he's a little more settled. I told my neighbours 9 year old boy that they were rescue hamsters. He asked me quite innocently what they rescued. I have to rethink how I say that from now on!
Philip, my CBT chap, lent me his book on CBT for CFS sufferers, which I'm looking forward to delving into. I've not been reading much lately because my eyes are a bit painful lately, wondering if it's the light at this time of the year. Hasn't it been absolutely glorious though?! Today's a bit drab, but it's really lifted my spirits to see so much gorgeous weather over the past 8/9 days.
Oooh, I'm going on holiday! For the first time since 2001 :D Some friends were offered an opportunity to go to a caravan in Mablethorpe and have invited me to accompany them. Isn't that kind!?! Hoping we have the same kind of weather as the past week or so :) I've asked my uncle and his family if they'd like to stay at my place while I'm away, so they can visit with Mum for longer. Probably won't happen, but hey ho! My friend's son might welcome a change from living at home... Another friend has already said she'd be able to come over and look after the hammies while I'm gone :) I have good friends, praise God!
Next week i'm leading a Taize evening at St Barnabas'. Just an hour's service, but I'm really looking forward to it. Need to sit down with Rob and practise a bit though. He's unfortunately got Ofsted this week though, so it'll have to be the weekend if he's available.
LL has changed again for me, now that I'm in Developers (those that still need a ways to go before they reach target weights) our evening meeting has changed, and we've lost 3 of our group to the final group, Maintenance (the ones that are pretty much there and only need to reintroduce food back into their lives - actually that sounds far easier than it is! Apparently, we've done the only easy bit!). I'll miss them a great deal because they helped keep me going, and also we'd bonded very well. We move into a different group with different people, one of whom I know :), but it'll be a shock to the system I suppose. All grist to the mill of life.
Did anyone else have an influx of ladybirds on Sunday?! There were hundreds outside my living room window - no other window, just the living room! It was such a beautiful day, but I was most surprised to see them at this time of year. Anyone know why? I did hear that they were the immigrant ladybirds that are killing our own. Is that true?!
I've just started reading a new Stuart Pawson novel, he's very good. He writes about Charlie Priest, a DI in Yorkshire. It's about serious crime, but his own blend of humour sparkles in the doom and gloom. He's also very descriptive of the local area and the walks that the detective takes, almost to make you feel like it's there before you. There's also a touch of poetry in the writer's, and character's, soul, and paintings feature in every one of his books in this series. A believable and likeable bunch of characters, except for the criminals - who are nasty pieces of work, every single one of them - working out credible story lines, human, flawed, but inevitably solved, though rarely understood. Gripping stories that bring about the realisation that there is something different in people who perpetrate horrendous crimes, and those of us who would never have even considered such things were possible.
Sigh...
One of the reasons I stopped writing in my blog I think was because of "milk week". Part of the newer LL initiative is to introduce at the 13th week a time to put milk into all shakes and soups. I tried to pretend it made the soups into "cream of..." but it was all yack! Even with skimmed milk - tasted far too sweet and creamy. And when I didn't lose ANY weight that week, I had a big mardy at the LL meeting, and swore my head off. I threatened to sue the government for making me do this and wasting my money for the week. Then I cried. As usually happens when I get madder than a mad thing. Annoying, but that's the way I evidently work things out. Anyroadup, the following week I lost 8 lbs and the week after that, 7lbs. Last week I lost 4lbs as well, so I guess milk week reboosts your system again. How does one make ones words appetising enough to eat?! So now I've lost 6st 2lbs!! And finally I feel like I've lost some weight :) I had to get a new belt for my trousers which until this point have been causing me to trip up. My biggest worry last week was the fact that I was struggling up the stairs with the ambulance driver behind me making sure I didn't fall, and a workman at the top of the stairs fixing the outside light - all while my trousers were slipping down and taking my knickers with them! I managed to hold onto them, along with my two sticks and bag! Not easy I can tell you, but infinitely preferable (for all!) to mooning at the men around me! lol
Still smarting over the Dr Phil test! Get over it, I keep telling myself, it's just a silly quiz on an odd site (still not worked out the point of Facebook). You see? I keep trying to CBT myself, but I'm still dealing with the old programming that tells me "there must be something in this" malarky. If it had said something positive, I doubt it would cross my mind however. I'd probably think, "yep, that's what everyone's will say". I did the test several times too! Still not sure how the questions deliver the answers...
MOVING ON... I now have four hamsters! :D Emily and George, mentioned in previous dispatches, are still not comfortable with me, sigh, and Harry, the new one, will take a long while I think before he becomes comfortable with me too. It doesn't help that Dum-Dum tries to get his whole head into Harry's cage through the bars (and he nearly can you know!). Harry's a Syrian hamster, so he's massive compared to Dums, and a veritable gargantuan compared to Emily and Georgie. But he's still scared of everything else around him, especially nosy little Dums. D-D still has the run of the table although there is far less space for him to do so what with Emily's cage and the new giant cage for Harry. Harry was brought round for me to look after as the children he was bought for don't really bother with him any more. I've yet to get him out in the big ball, but there's plenty of time (I hope!) to do that later on when he's a little more settled. I told my neighbours 9 year old boy that they were rescue hamsters. He asked me quite innocently what they rescued. I have to rethink how I say that from now on!
Philip, my CBT chap, lent me his book on CBT for CFS sufferers, which I'm looking forward to delving into. I've not been reading much lately because my eyes are a bit painful lately, wondering if it's the light at this time of the year. Hasn't it been absolutely glorious though?! Today's a bit drab, but it's really lifted my spirits to see so much gorgeous weather over the past 8/9 days.
Oooh, I'm going on holiday! For the first time since 2001 :D Some friends were offered an opportunity to go to a caravan in Mablethorpe and have invited me to accompany them. Isn't that kind!?! Hoping we have the same kind of weather as the past week or so :) I've asked my uncle and his family if they'd like to stay at my place while I'm away, so they can visit with Mum for longer. Probably won't happen, but hey ho! My friend's son might welcome a change from living at home... Another friend has already said she'd be able to come over and look after the hammies while I'm gone :) I have good friends, praise God!
Next week i'm leading a Taize evening at St Barnabas'. Just an hour's service, but I'm really looking forward to it. Need to sit down with Rob and practise a bit though. He's unfortunately got Ofsted this week though, so it'll have to be the weekend if he's available.
LL has changed again for me, now that I'm in Developers (those that still need a ways to go before they reach target weights) our evening meeting has changed, and we've lost 3 of our group to the final group, Maintenance (the ones that are pretty much there and only need to reintroduce food back into their lives - actually that sounds far easier than it is! Apparently, we've done the only easy bit!). I'll miss them a great deal because they helped keep me going, and also we'd bonded very well. We move into a different group with different people, one of whom I know :), but it'll be a shock to the system I suppose. All grist to the mill of life.
Did anyone else have an influx of ladybirds on Sunday?! There were hundreds outside my living room window - no other window, just the living room! It was such a beautiful day, but I was most surprised to see them at this time of year. Anyone know why? I did hear that they were the immigrant ladybirds that are killing our own. Is that true?!
I've just started reading a new Stuart Pawson novel, he's very good. He writes about Charlie Priest, a DI in Yorkshire. It's about serious crime, but his own blend of humour sparkles in the doom and gloom. He's also very descriptive of the local area and the walks that the detective takes, almost to make you feel like it's there before you. There's also a touch of poetry in the writer's, and character's, soul, and paintings feature in every one of his books in this series. A believable and likeable bunch of characters, except for the criminals - who are nasty pieces of work, every single one of them - working out credible story lines, human, flawed, but inevitably solved, though rarely understood. Gripping stories that bring about the realisation that there is something different in people who perpetrate horrendous crimes, and those of us who would never have even considered such things were possible.
Thursday, 11 September 2008
Martin's Money Saving Tips
Hi folks, well today I felt I needed to remind you all again about a great site I've been using over the past couple of months. Martin Lewis' show "It pays to watch" sprang from his GMTV and Tonight slot and the following website http://www.moneysavingexpert.com. Not only does he show you how to budget, manage any debt and/or savings, but there's also a list of freebies you can claim, shopping vouchers, etc. Included is a special attachment particularly useful for teenagers, which enables them to manage their money responsibly, but also recognising that they "need" to be able to spend their money too. It's a very sensible and practical document which trains them in money matters. For parents and teachers, aunts and uncles, and anyone else who has contact with impressionable teens, this is a remarkable source of wisdom aimed at young adults, and put together with the help of young adults. It's possible to download and print this off for free which is part of Martin's gift really. To find it go to http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/attachment/teen_cash_guide.pdf
I'm printing it off for my nephews, especially Wyatt and his girlfriend Megan, what with the safe arrival of Cole, and Wyatt's imminent departure into the army. I hope it will enable them to save wisely, and build a decent nest egg for themselves and the baby. I've yet to meet him, but hopefully that will be soon. I go to LL tonight for my weekly wi (but I've not been to the loo since last Tuesday, so I'm not expecting so much :( ), then tomorrow I have a three hour slot with my carer, followed by a trip to church to help set up (if I'm up to it by then - did waaaay too much yesterday) for the "New to You" event on Saturday, and of course Saturday itself - 10.00 - 12.00 noon. There is a likelihood that we will over-run because we have such a lot of good quality goods, thanks to many, many kind donations. It's a shock to be surprised and even overwhelmed by the generosity of people, when in actual fact we see it every day in small and sometimes big ways from ordinary people, even strangers :) GBU x
I'm printing it off for my nephews, especially Wyatt and his girlfriend Megan, what with the safe arrival of Cole, and Wyatt's imminent departure into the army. I hope it will enable them to save wisely, and build a decent nest egg for themselves and the baby. I've yet to meet him, but hopefully that will be soon. I go to LL tonight for my weekly wi (but I've not been to the loo since last Tuesday, so I'm not expecting so much :( ), then tomorrow I have a three hour slot with my carer, followed by a trip to church to help set up (if I'm up to it by then - did waaaay too much yesterday) for the "New to You" event on Saturday, and of course Saturday itself - 10.00 - 12.00 noon. There is a likelihood that we will over-run because we have such a lot of good quality goods, thanks to many, many kind donations. It's a shock to be surprised and even overwhelmed by the generosity of people, when in actual fact we see it every day in small and sometimes big ways from ordinary people, even strangers :) GBU x
"New to You": Babies and St Barnabas' event on Saturday morning
What a whirlwind today's been! After finding out that Clinton's cards had a massive sale on and that one of the items was something I'd previously spent £20.00 on was now only £5.00 (!!!), I went into Beeston with my friend Jill (who knows so much about what's going on - she's got her ear to the ground and her finger to the pulse). Having bought a few items I managed barter with the asst manager for an item I bought for half price which will be Mum's birthday present. That must sound cheap, but I can't afford much this year, and she knows, bless her. She asked me yesterday for a nice photo album (for all her lovely pictures of PJ and CJ and my brother Chris and his wife Donna, plus our new addition to the family whom we've yet to see: Chris' eldest son, Wyatt, had a baby boy called Cole yesterday - well his girlfriend Megan did. Please pray for her and a difficult situation. Megan's father's being an ass about Wy and his Mum going round to their house, plus Wy's hoping to enlist in the army as soon as he's passed all his tests.
In addition to the above, our church is holding a nearly new sale this Saturday from 10-12pm. If you can come along you would be most welcome :) It's at St Barnabas' Church, Barn Croft, Off Inham Road, Chilwell, Nottingham, NG9 4HQ. So far we've been given a lot of stuff which is just fabulous, some of which I went to collect tonight (along with some rescue hamsters!!). A lovely couple got in touch with me through Freecycle http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beeston_freecycle/messages?o=1 - a site that aims to keep house-hold items of a wide range out of the landfill sites and back into the community for others to use. They had seen my wanted ad on the freecycle Beeston site and kindly donated all they had "decluttered" from their children's rooms. It pretty much filled my car! It was funny driving home, because every time I turned left Noah kept shouting "Land Ahooooy!" Obviously touch sensitive!! Sometimes he's do a bit of a rap "La-la-land Ahoy-Ahooooy!" I think that was when he was well and truly rattled ;)
As I was out in the car, I contacted the girl who'd advertised her baby hamsters. The students had a new kitten and he was bothering the little hamsters in their cage and they feared they might well disappear inside the belly of the beast ... I think they're dwarf Roborovski hamsters, they're a pretty colour, different from all my past and present hamsters. They're sooo cute, like little fluff balls. They're in the same cage although I'm a little concerned that they're NOT the same sex after all. Anyways, I'll wait for confirmation from the young lady, and separate them if I have to once I've found out how old they are as well. I've named them Georgie and Bungle/Ellery/Emily ... still some decision to make there.
Right then, I'm off for a long sleep. Hope you're well and in fine fettle :)
In addition to the above, our church is holding a nearly new sale this Saturday from 10-12pm. If you can come along you would be most welcome :) It's at St Barnabas' Church, Barn Croft, Off Inham Road, Chilwell, Nottingham, NG9 4HQ. So far we've been given a lot of stuff which is just fabulous, some of which I went to collect tonight (along with some rescue hamsters!!). A lovely couple got in touch with me through Freecycle http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beeston_freecycle/messages?o=1 - a site that aims to keep house-hold items of a wide range out of the landfill sites and back into the community for others to use. They had seen my wanted ad on the freecycle Beeston site and kindly donated all they had "decluttered" from their children's rooms. It pretty much filled my car! It was funny driving home, because every time I turned left Noah kept shouting "Land Ahooooy!" Obviously touch sensitive!! Sometimes he's do a bit of a rap "La-la-land Ahoy-Ahooooy!" I think that was when he was well and truly rattled ;)
As I was out in the car, I contacted the girl who'd advertised her baby hamsters. The students had a new kitten and he was bothering the little hamsters in their cage and they feared they might well disappear inside the belly of the beast ... I think they're dwarf Roborovski hamsters, they're a pretty colour, different from all my past and present hamsters. They're sooo cute, like little fluff balls. They're in the same cage although I'm a little concerned that they're NOT the same sex after all. Anyways, I'll wait for confirmation from the young lady, and separate them if I have to once I've found out how old they are as well. I've named them Georgie and Bungle/Ellery/Emily ... still some decision to make there.
Right then, I'm off for a long sleep. Hope you're well and in fine fettle :)
Saturday, 6 September 2008
Choros Amici and Beeston Parish Church
Had a fabulous evening at the above venue, recently "re-ordered". Went with Jan to see a friend, Sandy, in her choral group - amazing! Not only was the choir's repertoire varied and wide-ranging, the church itself was looking great. I can't remember what it was like before - like when you drive past a new build and think what was there before? - but the oak rafters and beams looked almost as fresh as the day they were set, the walls and columns were radiant too. The only thing missing was a lot more heat, but who thinks they'll need the heating on at this time of year?!
Anyway, I loved the range of the choir's ability and talent; the deep voices of the men went right through me, and it speaks to my heart. The traditional choral songs were electric and sung in many parts - it's spell-binding to watch a well-honed choir in action and to be just a little curious about how those who arrange the music do so on many levels. There was a set of Finnish/Shakespeare numbers that were beautiful. There were a couple of numbers that were quite mad! Followed by some more modern songs re-arranged for choirs: George Harrison's "Because" being one of them.
It was a great show and we all felt thoroughly entertained. There are some amazingly talented vocalists in the choir and as an ensemble, they were pretty special - would knock Last Choir Standing into a cocked hat that's for sure! lol
In addition to the music and the setting, it was lovely to meet up with people unexpectedly; Philip my CBT therapist and his lovely daughter, who admitted to drifting off to sleep - until the loud songs! lol; some older members of the local church community that I hadn't seen for some time; and Craig and his partner, Robin, who has sometimes been one of my carers, notably domestic chores not personal care ;) It was especially good to see him looking so well. Earlier he'd had a brain aneurism and was very ill in hospital. Apparently he's one of only 4% who survive without repercussions, which is marvellous for him, but a telling reminder of how fragile life can be. They've just had their first anniversary having had their civil ceremony last August. Robin's quite cute too!
I was glad I'd gone in my wheelchair, and pleased that Sandy had managed to reserve us a chair for Janet and a space for me :) But it was chilly in there, and I feel done in now. So I'll end with an encouragement to see this choir if you can, and they do go all over, if you like that sort of thing.
GBU xx
Anyway, I loved the range of the choir's ability and talent; the deep voices of the men went right through me, and it speaks to my heart. The traditional choral songs were electric and sung in many parts - it's spell-binding to watch a well-honed choir in action and to be just a little curious about how those who arrange the music do so on many levels. There was a set of Finnish/Shakespeare numbers that were beautiful. There were a couple of numbers that were quite mad! Followed by some more modern songs re-arranged for choirs: George Harrison's "Because" being one of them.
It was a great show and we all felt thoroughly entertained. There are some amazingly talented vocalists in the choir and as an ensemble, they were pretty special - would knock Last Choir Standing into a cocked hat that's for sure! lol
In addition to the music and the setting, it was lovely to meet up with people unexpectedly; Philip my CBT therapist and his lovely daughter, who admitted to drifting off to sleep - until the loud songs! lol; some older members of the local church community that I hadn't seen for some time; and Craig and his partner, Robin, who has sometimes been one of my carers, notably domestic chores not personal care ;) It was especially good to see him looking so well. Earlier he'd had a brain aneurism and was very ill in hospital. Apparently he's one of only 4% who survive without repercussions, which is marvellous for him, but a telling reminder of how fragile life can be. They've just had their first anniversary having had their civil ceremony last August. Robin's quite cute too!
I was glad I'd gone in my wheelchair, and pleased that Sandy had managed to reserve us a chair for Janet and a space for me :) But it was chilly in there, and I feel done in now. So I'll end with an encouragement to see this choir if you can, and they do go all over, if you like that sort of thing.
GBU xx
What a week of awful weather
This is the first year I can remember having to put the heating on this early. It's frightening considering the fuel price hikes that we've already had and those that we can apparently expect by the end of the year.
Naturally my heart and prayers go out to those who are facing yet more floods, damage to their property and homes, and the major upheaval that all this causes. I wonder if those affected are offered counselling? Let's hope that the insurance companies honour their agreements this time too. I heard the story of an elderly lady whose home was flooded for something like the 14th time! She hadn't been able to sell her home earlier because of the property's past experience of flooding. Lord, break through that situation with your compassionate heart and redeem her life. Amen. There are so many prayers for people necessary when we're struck by such disasters as a nation, so please pray as and when you can. Even if you don't believe, I assure you God does :)
Also for your prayers would you please think of a man called Jamie. I met him outside the hospital yesterday when I went for an appointment. I used to see him and chat to him in the pub where he was very much a regular. I got to know him a bit better a couple of years ago, when we had quite a long chat and a drink together. However yesterday I realised that he'd had his right leg amputated below the knee (I'm clearly observant). He's still a fairly youngish man and to know that someone who is usually out and about and has his fingers in lots of different pies is now experiencing such a loss was a real shock. Coming to terms with this kind of event is very harrowing and hard work, and I hope and pray that he manages to get through without depression setting in. He deserves sympathy and compassion, but not pity, and I hope that those he used to know (including myself) will treat him with dignity as he learns to adapt to a markedly different life style.
Naturally my heart and prayers go out to those who are facing yet more floods, damage to their property and homes, and the major upheaval that all this causes. I wonder if those affected are offered counselling? Let's hope that the insurance companies honour their agreements this time too. I heard the story of an elderly lady whose home was flooded for something like the 14th time! She hadn't been able to sell her home earlier because of the property's past experience of flooding. Lord, break through that situation with your compassionate heart and redeem her life. Amen. There are so many prayers for people necessary when we're struck by such disasters as a nation, so please pray as and when you can. Even if you don't believe, I assure you God does :)
Also for your prayers would you please think of a man called Jamie. I met him outside the hospital yesterday when I went for an appointment. I used to see him and chat to him in the pub where he was very much a regular. I got to know him a bit better a couple of years ago, when we had quite a long chat and a drink together. However yesterday I realised that he'd had his right leg amputated below the knee (I'm clearly observant). He's still a fairly youngish man and to know that someone who is usually out and about and has his fingers in lots of different pies is now experiencing such a loss was a real shock. Coming to terms with this kind of event is very harrowing and hard work, and I hope and pray that he manages to get through without depression setting in. He deserves sympathy and compassion, but not pity, and I hope that those he used to know (including myself) will treat him with dignity as he learns to adapt to a markedly different life style.
Thursday, 4 September 2008
Labrynthitis, prayer requests and weight loss
It's been a while and I'm sorry about that, but I've been a bit under the weather again (and what appalling weather it's been!). I've got labrynthitis, which is nothing to do with the David Bowie movie, but the smallest ear bone. It's like having vertigo, and being quite tall it is rather unpleasant (actually, not sure if it's anything to do with being tall or not!). I'm really exhausted too, so I guess I've been doing too much. It is soooo frustrating when you try to have a relatively normal life and any extra thing you do usually back-fires or certainly creates more problems physically. But I need to pace myself better (still!) and rest more when I have exerted myself. In my head you see I'm much better than I am in my body. In my head, whilst I don't quite feel ready to work, I certainly feel more able to visit friends and go out a bit more. Sadly in reality this is far from true.
However, I've been on a weekend retreat, visited friends and god-children, gone to the cinema, and of course been to LL for my wi and group counselling session. I'll discuss the retreat in a while. Loved catching up with friends last week, and seeing some of my god-children before they started back at school this week. Heard some great news about my god-daughter in Manchester who has finally managed to change schools because she was bullied at her last one - although they only heard this week that they'd been accepted, talk about the 11th hour! She's only 7 bless her, and school is hard enough for us all isn't it. Please pray that Jess will settle quickly into her new school and find friends aplenty, also that she'll discover enough self-confidence to stand up to children who like to bully. Amen. And "they" say the innocence of childhood!
Jamie, my best friend's son, is going up to "big" school, so please pray for him too. Secondary school is such a shock after primary isn't it. Please pray for him that he has teachers who are able to keep his interest and stimulate his natural curiosity so that he doesn't become bored too quickly and is less likely to go off into his own little world. It would be really good if he could find some like-minded children to befriend and who will keep him motivated to stretch himself. Amen.
Daniel will be 6 at Christmas and is now in Year 1. He's really settled down and has calmed down quite a bit, certainly during my visits. It's been such a pleasure to be with him, to joke with him and discover what a lovely little man he's becoming. Ammi is 4 now and at nursery/playgroup (I never get it right, but fortunately I'm rapidly corrected by her ;) ) and will start school at Christmas which she's already excited about, although her Mum, Clare, is marginally more excited! lol Please pray for this lovely family as Rob's father died a few weeks ago after a lengthy illness, and as those of us know who have lost someone dear to us, the weeks following the funeral and scattering of the ashes are often the hardest. May Rob find the comfort and strength that he needs. Amen.
Now to tonight's w.i. ... 7 lbs!! It's cos I went to the toilet last week and this week! lol That takes me to nearly 5 stones, can you believe it?! Now I'm nearly at the weight I thought I was when I started. I'm going into week 12 now, so potentially I could lose over another half a stone before the end of the 14 weeks foundation course! Pat the LL counsellor we normally have wasn't there tonight, but Tina led the group this time. She's different to Pat, but they're both lovely, and we ended up doing what we normally do which is more chatting (linked to weight loss, struggles and support though - there really are a lovely bunch of women in my group!) than directed discussion. Tina's was very good in linking our thoughts and problems to the programme, and funnily enough, the DVD and LL foundation discussions were very on trend with how our week had gone as a group. Some of us had already been thinking about how we'll cope when we start eating again, and for three of the group, this will be much sooner than the rest as they move straight into management/maintenance (never remember what the programmes are called!). The rest of us (after 14 weeks) move to the middle group where we'll still be food abstinent, taking just the sachets and bars until we reach our target weight. Apparently I've got to get down to less than I realised which is great, but still a looooong way off! lol I'm hoping by the middle of next summer I'll be able to begin eating again. I've already planned with my friend Ellen to go to the Bottle Kiln, West Hallam, Derbyshire http://www.bottlekiln.co.uk/index2.html next July :)
I have found that the times when I've felt kind of hungry or peckish, it's often around the times I would perhaps have had a snack or it's a sign of my being thirsty. So I try to drink more water, which will usually fill the "ache", think about what I would have done in the past, and be glad that I've got such a good mindset to continue with the LL programme rather than indulge myself in a good noshing session. The pay-off is that I know I will be able to eat again next year, and that by staying singled-minded now will mean that i continue to lose the excess weight, stay in control and learn to manage my food addiction (that is what it is after all). Today I raised the question why, from childhood onwards, food is a reward or treat. It raises such expectations within us that food will satisfy our needs, and we equate value, pleasure and just desserts (pardon the pun) with food. Other diet groups may tell you that you can eat what you like of this food group or that, and that some food is "sin"... This may work for a while for most of us, but it's simply changing the dynamics that we have with food. Food is fuel. Sometimes it's delicious, makes your mouth water, leaves you with satisfaction and a sense of well-being, but we only need so much per day. I'm not someone who will ever be able to count calories, so I need to find another way to deal with food properly when I'm eating again. For me, I think it's about portion size, so perhaps I need to do something as simple as getting smaller plates! I've already planned to take Lock & Lock containers with me when I go out for a meal! Then I can take half home and have it the next day! Cost-saving to boot! lol
This LL programme has obviously not been without it's problems, but I am so impressed with how it's enabled me to remain so determined to beat the battle of the bulge(s). I still find myself wanting to say to seriously overweight people "Hey, have you heard about LL? It really works!" Not to make them feel fat and in need of help, but to support and motivate them if they want to lose the weight. With my track record, you'll be delighted to hear that I haven't done that yet, although I did talk about it quite loudly when I was on retreat in case the larger ladies felt they needed some help with that.
I saw Philip today, my CBT consultant, and we discussed my weight loss, and various issues connected to that. He could tell straight away that I'd lost quite a bit, which was a real encouragement. I'm seeing him every three weeks at the moment, and I'm seeing Neil (my psychiatrist) once every eight weeks now, which is good progress. Admitting that I'm headed for Psychiatric Outpatients to the porters who take me in my wheelchair -when there's no-one available in the department - still makes me a little uncomfortable with the state of my mental health, and a little embarrassed that I still need help. I always sound a little "out there" when people over-hear and take a step back from this unbalanced woman... sigh... Having said that, it's really good that I recognise I still need to use this service, and that I have good practitioners working with me towards a healthier state of mind.
Now that I'm dealing with my "fat" issues at LL, I've begun talking to Philip about why I seem to sabotage my relationships with others. In particular with men. It's hard accepting that I'm the main reason behind unsuccessful past relationships, and why I'm not with someone now. Today was the start of a reflection on what past "rules" I've been using to remain aloof (lerts are common! boom, boom), or detached from others. Naturally a lot of it is about past hurts, let-downs, or unpleasant experiences. There's stuff in my childhood that affects how I deal with others, and it's about time I dealt with them as an adult rather than a child. So I need to challenge my behaviour and decide how I'm going to change and build better relationships, involving myself more with others, and holding back less. This protecting onesself malarky, which whilst natural, leaves me "feeling" less: less love, less depth of friendship, less human in a sense. It also leaves me feeling more: more frustrated with relationships, more out of touch with my feelings, more isolated and more alone or lonely. I'm tired of that old script and what to adventure back into life with a full heart, ready to give more of myself and receive what others have to give, and yes that will obviously include more hurt I guess, because we're all fallible and people are going to fail us in some way, as we fail ourselves and others too.
Trust God, stay strong and be blessed. xxx
However, I've been on a weekend retreat, visited friends and god-children, gone to the cinema, and of course been to LL for my wi and group counselling session. I'll discuss the retreat in a while. Loved catching up with friends last week, and seeing some of my god-children before they started back at school this week. Heard some great news about my god-daughter in Manchester who has finally managed to change schools because she was bullied at her last one - although they only heard this week that they'd been accepted, talk about the 11th hour! She's only 7 bless her, and school is hard enough for us all isn't it. Please pray that Jess will settle quickly into her new school and find friends aplenty, also that she'll discover enough self-confidence to stand up to children who like to bully. Amen. And "they" say the innocence of childhood!
Jamie, my best friend's son, is going up to "big" school, so please pray for him too. Secondary school is such a shock after primary isn't it. Please pray for him that he has teachers who are able to keep his interest and stimulate his natural curiosity so that he doesn't become bored too quickly and is less likely to go off into his own little world. It would be really good if he could find some like-minded children to befriend and who will keep him motivated to stretch himself. Amen.
Daniel will be 6 at Christmas and is now in Year 1. He's really settled down and has calmed down quite a bit, certainly during my visits. It's been such a pleasure to be with him, to joke with him and discover what a lovely little man he's becoming. Ammi is 4 now and at nursery/playgroup (I never get it right, but fortunately I'm rapidly corrected by her ;) ) and will start school at Christmas which she's already excited about, although her Mum, Clare, is marginally more excited! lol Please pray for this lovely family as Rob's father died a few weeks ago after a lengthy illness, and as those of us know who have lost someone dear to us, the weeks following the funeral and scattering of the ashes are often the hardest. May Rob find the comfort and strength that he needs. Amen.
Now to tonight's w.i. ... 7 lbs!! It's cos I went to the toilet last week and this week! lol That takes me to nearly 5 stones, can you believe it?! Now I'm nearly at the weight I thought I was when I started. I'm going into week 12 now, so potentially I could lose over another half a stone before the end of the 14 weeks foundation course! Pat the LL counsellor we normally have wasn't there tonight, but Tina led the group this time. She's different to Pat, but they're both lovely, and we ended up doing what we normally do which is more chatting (linked to weight loss, struggles and support though - there really are a lovely bunch of women in my group!) than directed discussion. Tina's was very good in linking our thoughts and problems to the programme, and funnily enough, the DVD and LL foundation discussions were very on trend with how our week had gone as a group. Some of us had already been thinking about how we'll cope when we start eating again, and for three of the group, this will be much sooner than the rest as they move straight into management/maintenance (never remember what the programmes are called!). The rest of us (after 14 weeks) move to the middle group where we'll still be food abstinent, taking just the sachets and bars until we reach our target weight. Apparently I've got to get down to less than I realised which is great, but still a looooong way off! lol I'm hoping by the middle of next summer I'll be able to begin eating again. I've already planned with my friend Ellen to go to the Bottle Kiln, West Hallam, Derbyshire http://www.bottlekiln.co.uk/index2.html next July :)
I have found that the times when I've felt kind of hungry or peckish, it's often around the times I would perhaps have had a snack or it's a sign of my being thirsty. So I try to drink more water, which will usually fill the "ache", think about what I would have done in the past, and be glad that I've got such a good mindset to continue with the LL programme rather than indulge myself in a good noshing session. The pay-off is that I know I will be able to eat again next year, and that by staying singled-minded now will mean that i continue to lose the excess weight, stay in control and learn to manage my food addiction (that is what it is after all). Today I raised the question why, from childhood onwards, food is a reward or treat. It raises such expectations within us that food will satisfy our needs, and we equate value, pleasure and just desserts (pardon the pun) with food. Other diet groups may tell you that you can eat what you like of this food group or that, and that some food is "sin"... This may work for a while for most of us, but it's simply changing the dynamics that we have with food. Food is fuel. Sometimes it's delicious, makes your mouth water, leaves you with satisfaction and a sense of well-being, but we only need so much per day. I'm not someone who will ever be able to count calories, so I need to find another way to deal with food properly when I'm eating again. For me, I think it's about portion size, so perhaps I need to do something as simple as getting smaller plates! I've already planned to take Lock & Lock containers with me when I go out for a meal! Then I can take half home and have it the next day! Cost-saving to boot! lol
This LL programme has obviously not been without it's problems, but I am so impressed with how it's enabled me to remain so determined to beat the battle of the bulge(s). I still find myself wanting to say to seriously overweight people "Hey, have you heard about LL? It really works!" Not to make them feel fat and in need of help, but to support and motivate them if they want to lose the weight. With my track record, you'll be delighted to hear that I haven't done that yet, although I did talk about it quite loudly when I was on retreat in case the larger ladies felt they needed some help with that.
I saw Philip today, my CBT consultant, and we discussed my weight loss, and various issues connected to that. He could tell straight away that I'd lost quite a bit, which was a real encouragement. I'm seeing him every three weeks at the moment, and I'm seeing Neil (my psychiatrist) once every eight weeks now, which is good progress. Admitting that I'm headed for Psychiatric Outpatients to the porters who take me in my wheelchair -when there's no-one available in the department - still makes me a little uncomfortable with the state of my mental health, and a little embarrassed that I still need help. I always sound a little "out there" when people over-hear and take a step back from this unbalanced woman... sigh... Having said that, it's really good that I recognise I still need to use this service, and that I have good practitioners working with me towards a healthier state of mind.
Now that I'm dealing with my "fat" issues at LL, I've begun talking to Philip about why I seem to sabotage my relationships with others. In particular with men. It's hard accepting that I'm the main reason behind unsuccessful past relationships, and why I'm not with someone now. Today was the start of a reflection on what past "rules" I've been using to remain aloof (lerts are common! boom, boom), or detached from others. Naturally a lot of it is about past hurts, let-downs, or unpleasant experiences. There's stuff in my childhood that affects how I deal with others, and it's about time I dealt with them as an adult rather than a child. So I need to challenge my behaviour and decide how I'm going to change and build better relationships, involving myself more with others, and holding back less. This protecting onesself malarky, which whilst natural, leaves me "feeling" less: less love, less depth of friendship, less human in a sense. It also leaves me feeling more: more frustrated with relationships, more out of touch with my feelings, more isolated and more alone or lonely. I'm tired of that old script and what to adventure back into life with a full heart, ready to give more of myself and receive what others have to give, and yes that will obviously include more hurt I guess, because we're all fallible and people are going to fail us in some way, as we fail ourselves and others too.
Trust God, stay strong and be blessed. xxx
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