Gym and healing hamsters

I woke up this morning dreading going into the living room in case I should find Bibby's body. I didn't dare look until after lunch-time, at which point it turned out it was her lunch-time too! She gave me a bit of a nip as I put my hand by her door for her to come out if she wanted, but just as a gentle pay-back for having put her through the indignity of yesterday (remember, they do hold grudges). She was also thoroughly miffed that there were no tasty treats for her today, so she grumpily resigned herself to eating from the hamster food bowl. Clearly she was storing up for some time judging by her face pouches. She's just stopped snubbing me, but I still clearly have some way to go before I'm forgiven.

I also managed to get to the gym today, and outdid last time's performances on the treadmill, this arm-bikey thing, and the rowing machine. I'm still only talking an absolute maximum of five minutes, with rests, but for me that's a huge improvement. However, I do feel like I'm under the sword of Damacles, and any moment now my health will fail again and I'll be straight back to square one, just like all the other times. I know, I know, that's a defeatest attitude, but it's incredibly difficult to live with this debilitating illness and to live with hope. Having hope sometimes is as crushing as living without it.

But my big news is that I've been to the toilet properly! The first time in nearly five weeks! I can totally understand why St Francis of Assisi wrote a toilet prayer! I went round to visit with friends Lesley and Keith and told them my news, told Mum as soon as she came round to take me to the gym, AND Chris, the gym instructor! It must seem absolutely bonkers telling people about my bowel habits, but it's been such an awful experience, that it was a true delight to start to feel normal again!

I did feel really peckish today, maybe it's symptomatic of how the week's gone, but I could have eaten something today. But I didn't! So how's that for willpower? I made a lovely strawberry shake for supper, then spoilt it completely by putting in the orange flavouring, also from LL, instead of the fibosure :( Hopefully that'll be the last time. Still, I had two bars today and thoroughly enjoyed them. I only have two flavours (can't stand the others - blech!) peanut - which really tastes of them! - and cranberry, which is very sweet, but by far the best two of the five/six of them. I only really have two shakes as well now - banana and strawberry. I know the weather's still up and down, but I can't face the soups just yet though they are tasty, well two of them are: thai chilli and mushroom. Still they're working and I generally find them satisfying, just having an odd few days here and there lately.

Hope you're well, content and living in grace :) GBU x